Writer's Block (Journal #12)

Wow! I am surprised if anyone checks back on this site. I haven't been inspired to write (while I am always, still inspired by Sam) in awhile. Everytime I start something, I am distracted, or just don't feel like putting it to words. Lazy, hmmmmm. Truly, I write just to get it out anyway, so maybe the fact that I haven't written for awhile means I am coping. Ya right :)

Actually, I have been busy figuring things out. Taking Sam to therapy for speech and OT two entire afternoons a week starts to wear on you. Okay, how does that relate to my topic sentence. Well.........I am trying to figure things out as I am overwhelmed by the parent autism connections I have. While Brent and I have great support through agencies like Minnesota Autism Society and the Osseo School District, it is at North Memorial Hospital's Rehabilitation waiting/observation room that I find support that can overwhelm me at times. I spend two days a week freaked out and trying to figure things out.

First of all, the staff at North are awesome to say the least. They love and work so well with Sam. What happens is, that you wait with the same group of parents every week all afternoon. Many are there for various reasons, but at the time we go, the majority are also parents of autistic children.

I am trying to figure things out, because sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough for Sam, but yet in my heart I feel we are. There are parents there I have grown very close to, but differ so much in views with Autism. There are those on the whole "mercury" rampage. Those who only do biomed. Those who swear by hours of ABA therapy (one of the most proven successful therapies for autism), and those who have successfully done the gluten/casing free diets (of which we saw NO change in Sam when we did), and last but not least is "doping" (my term, it's Olympic time you know) their children with every vitamin therapy there is, close to chelation as well.

I really don't believe it was the immunizations for Sam. I knew something was well different with him well before the first MMR immunization. Sometimes I still even blame myself, wondering how much tuna I ate, what I exposed him to in utero. I don't know. I will never know what caused his autism, but I do know I am making peace with the fact that he has it. It doesn't mean everything is "peachy keen", but it means we accept it, and Brent and I say okay, let's go forward, not backward.

Okay, so I could go into how it seems the Autism community is becoming divided on the biomed/accept not cure Autism debate. We, however are blessed and very pleased with our accepting of Autism and our own medical community. We have one of the best pediatricians in all the Twin Cities (truly, he has been voted one of the "top docs" the last 3 years). He is a pediatrician who has specialized with children with developmental disorders like Autism and other things like ADHD.

Dr. Kuperman has been there for us with frantic calls after hours, when we were first finding out about the possible Autism through our school district first, when they assessed him. He returns every call the same day. He takes time for Brent and I to come in alone to process and talk. He has referred us wherever needed with the autism, from speech/OT to a neurologist. We have covered all bases. He is so patient with Sam, even when he refuses to cooperate, when he forgets to use his words and screams instead, and when he is literally bouncing off his walls. We trust our medical community. We are getting things figured out. We are providing Sam with between 25-30 hours of therapy week including the speech and occupational therapy and the therapy he receives at school through early childhood special education. We give him lots of our home grown ABA therapy (which by the way, is not rocket science), lots of nurturing and most important, lots of love. We are figuring things out.

And........I guess my "writer's block" is gone. Look out!